Words Women Use (and Men Should Heed)

(I heard this on the radio and thought it might be helpful to Neanderthals like me. I keep a printout in my wallet for quick reference.)

FINE — This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right. Just smile, shut up, and walk away.

FIVE MINUTES — If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING — This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine."

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows) — This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it man.

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows) — This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH — This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

THAT'S OKAY — This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS A LOT! — This is a sarcastic remark. A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. You have offended her in some callous way and will soon hear a "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."